


信念 (Shinnen)

by MakaS0ul



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Mental Health Issues, cotton candy gfs trying their best, the angst is pretty minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24142063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakaS0ul/pseuds/MakaS0ul
Summary: Marianne struggles to accept compliments, and Hilda is there to support her. With trust and a bit of belief, perhaps she will be able to love herself.
Relationships: Marianne von Edmund/Hilda Valentine Goneril
Kudos: 32





	信念 (Shinnen)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello. This story's pretty close to my heart, because a close friend of mine struggles with their self-esteem, much like Marianne. (This was written with their permission) It was so strange to me to think that someone so incredible could think so little of themselves, but your brain can play rather mean tricks on you. I really wished he could see how incredible I thought he was, and our conversation played out following that thought. I wrote this based off of that conversation we had. I hope that people who struggle with self-esteem issues can take a bit of comfort in this story. Enjoy~!

Marianne had never been good at accepting compliments --not that she had received them very often. She was antisocial, awkward, depressed, and anxious, so it made talking to people difficult. Most had given up on getting to know her quickly, and she would be alone again. It was a vicious cycle of her own failings making her miserable, but feeling as though she deserved to be miserable. So, she had remained alone until college.

Her dorm RA, Byleth, had forced everyone on the 3rd floor of the dorm to meet each other at the beginning of the semester, and that day had changed Marianne’s life, going from no friends to 8 (9 if Byleth was counted) within the span of a semester. Marianne herself could hardly believe that anyone –let alone 9 people—wanted to be friends with her.

What was there to like about her?

“What is there to like about you? What _isn’t_ there to like about you, Mari Berry?! You’re incredible,” Hilda gushed one night in Marianne’s room. Marianne’s day had been a particularly rough one, mental health-wise, and in a particularly strong moment of self-loathing, she had asked Hilda the exact question she had silently wondered for almost her entire life.

“I-I’m really not…”

Hilda waved her arm from her place on Marianne’s bed, as if trying to physically wipe away Marianne’s protests. “You totally are! You’re super sweet, considerate, you’re a HUGE friend to every animal, not to mention you’re cute as a button!”

Marianne could feel her face heat. All of her friends liked to say these nice –but untrue—things about her, but Hilda was, by far, the most enthusiastic about showering her in compliments. “You’re… much cuter than me, H-Hilda…”

Hilda sat up and grinned at Marianne. “See how much of a sweetie you are, Mari? Always quick to compliment me when I give you one! Careful, or I might just start to get a big head!” Hilda sent her a wink that had Marianne averting her gaze to the ground.

Hilda was beautiful and deserved every compliment she ever received, and that made it hard for someone like Marianne to look at her; she was shining, a blinding star that Marianne couldn’t ever hope to reach, but liked to admire.

When Marianne went quiet, Hilda scooted across the bed and slid down next to her, her shoulder brushing Marianne’s.

“Everything ok, Mari Berry? You’re looking pretty far away.”

Marianne hugged her knees, her lips pursed. It didn’t take a genius to realize Marianne’s mental health wasn’t the most stable, but she didn’t like to talk about it. She let people draw their own conclusions and dealt with everything on her own, so the prospect of sharing her struggles with Hilda, her best friend and somehow girlfriend, was terrifying to say the least. What if she said something that made Hilda upset? Or disgusted? What if she hated Marianne?

She shook her head. She knew that was her mind catastrophizing, trying to paralyze her with the “what-ifs” of the worst-case scenarios, but her fear was still very much real and very much at the forefront of her mind. She was struggling to cope and had very little faith in her ability to do so.

She startled when Hilda laid a gentle hand upon her own, smoothing her touch upon the whitened knuckles that held her skirt in a death grip. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t wanna. I don’t wanna push you or anything. And I can totally leave if you, like, wanna be alone.”

Marianne shook her head minutely. “…Stay, please…”

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see a soft smile on Hilda’s face, and it was far kinder than what Marianne was used to having directed at her; it made her heart ache.

“Sure thing, Mari Berry. You still don’t have to talk if you don’t wanna. I’m happy just being close to you.”

Marianne gathered her courage and laced their fingers together, too afraid to look Hilda in the face. When she received a gentle squeeze, she sighed in relief. Just a small touch or smile from Hilda was enough to make Marianne feel much more in control, and much braver.

“I just… don’t really think of myself as an amazing person. I used to hate myself, but it’s gotten better since I’ve made friends with all the Deer, and especially since you and I started d-dating, but I still don’t think much of myself. I just can’t believe that I’m cute, or kind, or smart, or anything like that. It’s… hard to accept compliments when you don’t think you deserve any of them.”

Hilda hummed, giving Marianne’s fingers a quick peck. “Does it make you unhappy when I compliment you?”

Marianne’s nose scrunched at the question. “N-no. I just don’t believe it. I feel like people don’t really know me that well, and if they did, they wouldn’t be saying such nice things about me.”

“I’m glad you’re not uncomfortable with them, because I don’t plan to stop giving them any time soon. But you don’t believe them, huh? Even from me?”

“I’m sorry, Hilda. I want to but—”

“No need to apologize for it! I just wanted to confirm.” She hummed. “Can I ask you something?”

“Y-yes…”

“Are you talking to anyone about this?”

“I’ve been going to therapy for years. It’s helped me to understand my feelings a lot more than I used to, and it makes things easier to deal with, but I don’t feel like I’m in control.

“I’m glad you’re talking to someone, because even though I love you, I’m not really equipped to give you the advice that a pro could, you know?”

“I love you too,” Marianne blurted.

Hilda smiled with adoration warming her features. “That makes me really happy, Mari. I’m glad.” She leaned over and pressed a kiss to Marianne’s lips. When she pulled away, she gave another quick peck to her cheek, giggling at the flush that followed. “And I’m glad that you’re talking with a therapist. It really helps, doesn’t it?”

Marianne’s eyes widened. “Do you… see a therapist too?” She had never considered that; that someone like Hilda, someone so incredible, could also be seeing a therapist.

“Mhmm. I have been for years.” Hilda’s gaze drifted to her feet, fidgeting the appendages. “Mine really helped me with my fear of disappointing people, and with my anxiety. I still go because it’s nice to have someone listen to my worries and stuff, but I also go to remind myself that I’ve improved a lot, and that I’m gonna keep doing so.”

“I… had no idea… I always thought that—that you were… perfect… That you didn’t have anything to worry about because you were so amazing.”

Hilda’s cheeks flushed the color of her hair, and she laughed quietly. “I’m not perfect, though I’d never let Claude hear that. Don’t tell him I said it.” She fixed Marianne with a mock-intense glare, who gulped and nodded quickly. Hilda giggled, before her features slid back into something more vulnerable. “I’m happy to hear you think so much of me, but it’s that kind of thing that caused my fear of disappointing people. I always had so much pressure placed on me to be like my basically-perfect brother, and I eventually cracked. Therapy has really helped with that.”

To say Marianne was horrified would be an understatement. “I—I’m so sorry, Hilda! I didn’t mean to pressure you! I—”

“Hey, it’s okay, Mari. You didn’t know. And besides, I never really felt pressure from you, but rather pressure from myself. I _wanted_ to look like I was perfect, for you, you know. I wanted to impress you.”

She giggled when Marianne’s face flushed. “It looks like it worked!”

“It did…” Marianne murmured, her gaze trained away from Hilda’s grin.

“Anyway,” Hilda said with a squeeze of Marianne’s hand, “you have nothing to be ashamed of, Mari. Even if you don’t see it, people might be struggling on the inside. Even the most put-together people. You’re not alone.” She raised their joined hands and pressed a kiss to the back of Marianne’s. “I’ll tell you as many times as you need that I think you’re incredible, whether you believe it or not.”

Marianne felt that familiar tug in her chest, the one that made her realize she loved Hilda months ago. “Thank you, Hilda. I still don’t know whether I’ll be able to accept your compliments one day, but I promise I will try.”

“That’s all I can ask.” There was a moment of quiet, until Hilda tapped a finger to her cheek, her face pensive. “You said you don’t take compliments because you don’t believe them, right?”

Marianne was thrown by the non-sequitur but nodded.

“Then let’s try something.” She turned so that she faced Marianne, taking both hands into her own. “Mari, do you trust me?”

“Yes,” was Marianne’s immediate reply, and she flushed at her eagerness.

“Good! Now, do you think I’m one to lie to you?”

“No! Never!”

Hilda giggled. “Good! I’d never lie to you, Mari! Dorothea or Claude, sure, but never you.” She cleared her throat. “So, if I compliment you, do you think I’m lying?”

Marianne opened her mouth, an automatic reply of “yes” nearly out her lips, but she paused. On one hand, Hilda never lied to her, but on another, Marianne couldn’t help but think that people just didn’t know any better when they complimented her.

“It’s not that I think you’re lying…” She trailed off, unsure of how to explain her thoughts.

“You just think I’m wrong because I don’t know some horrible part of you or something, right?”

Marianne blinked owlishly. “Y-yes. That’s what it feels like.”

“Hmmm… in that case, look at it this way. You said you trust me, and that I would never lie to you, right?” A nod from Marianne. “Then next time I give you a compliment, try trusting that what I’m saying is true. I may not know everything about you, Mari, but I like what I’ve seen, and I don’t think there’s much you could do that would drive me away, unless you like, kicked puppies for fun or something.”

Marianne’s face was priceless, a look of horror mixed with indignation, that made Hilda burst out laughing. “Well! Judging by your reaction, that option’s out, so that’s one less thing to possibly drive me away.” She reached out and cupped Marianne’s cheek, delighted when the other girl leaned into the touch. “I know it might be hard, but try trusting that what I’m saying to you is the truth instead of dismissing it out of hand. Try trusting that the Marianne that I believe I know is the same one as you. Just… consider compliments before you dismiss them, alright? Can you do that for me, Mari?”

Marianne held Hilda’s gaze for what seemed like the first time in forever. There was nothing but sincerity and adoration shining in Hilda’s bright eyes, and it brought tears to Marianne’s own. “Okay…” she whispered, her voice thick. “I’ll try… for you.”

Hilda brushed the tears away with her thumb, bringing her other hand up to take care of the other side. “I love you, Mari. You’re special to me, and I hope you’ll be able to see that someday, and until that day comes, I’ll keep reminding you.”

Marianne leaned forward and pulled Hilda into a desperate kiss. It would never be able to convey all the gratitude and love Marianne felt for Hilda, but it would have to do for now.

Their talk didn’t magically fix all of Marianne’s problems, it didn’t rid her of all her worries, but it gave her a place to start, and that was better than what she’d had to begin with. Every day brought its challenges, but Marianne’s belief in Hilda never faded, and _would_ never fade.

She may not be able to believe in herself yet, but she would try her best.

For Hilda, and for herself.

**Author's Note:**

> "Believe in the me that believes in you!" -Kamina, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
> 
> Cheesy as that line might be, it's a good one. Believe that your friends see the best in you, even if you don't see it in yourself. Easier said than done, right? But considering that for even a second is better than dismissing it out of hand. My friend trained himself to dismiss compliments, so now he has to train himself to consider them. Maybe after consideration he still doesn't believe it, but at least he considered it. I ask that you all be kind to yourselves, whether you think you deserve it or not. Everyone deserves to love themselves.
> 
> Until next time~! (Title means: "belief" in Japanese)


End file.
